De-Cluttering - why do we save things?
If I had to choose one word why we save things it would be “Emotional Clutter”. Emotions – both positive and negative – shape our lives. Because of this, we hang on to things for many reasons, both good and bad.
Why we Save or Buy Things: The Emotional Roots of Clutter
We hold onto we no longer need for a number of reasons. For example:
- Money and Lack (Scarcity).
- Fear.
- Guilt & Shame.
- Identity.
- Sentimentality.
- Trauma.
First, we’ll look at those things because they are so fundamental. For example, in examining your underlying reason for hanging on to something, you’ll see how it no longer serves you.
Money & Lack or Scarcity
In addition, money is closely tied to emotional clutter. It can propel us forward. It can also hold us back. Sometimes it even causes fights, depression, and anxiety. When we examine our relationship to money, we start to see patterns. Those patterns can help us work through deeper issues. As a result, you can lee go of items and free up space (and money). The space isn’t only physical. In many ways, it’s mental too. Clearing it can bring peace with old issues.
However, how is money tied to clutter? For instance, sometimes we buy things because we feel bored, depressed or want a quick pick-me-up. Sometimes it’s because we see something on sale. We picture the positive emotion of “saving” money. I know I’ve done this (not just once).
Emotion and money are so closely tied.
As a child, I wanted a small china figurine but couldn’t afford it. That longing stayed with me. Today I can trace this little figurine to my love of antiques and collectibles. Figuring out my “why” has meant that I can now let some of it go. Once I figured out my “why”, I scaled back my collections. As a result, I edited carefully, and kept only the items that made my heart sing.
Money & Emotional Clutter
Did you hanker after something as a child but were told that it wasn’t in the budget? Is that now something you “collect” -maybe too much of it? That’s because emotion is attached to the item. The no, you can’t have that – we can’t afford it” moment creates feelings of inadequacy. If you find yourself buying more and more, stop and ask why. Dig deeper, and maybe talk it over with someone you trust. It just might transform your life. Just remember- it all comes down to emotion.
For women, this often starts young. Unless you had endless means to purchase clothes as a children or teen, you may still feel a void today. Are you always hankering for the latest, newest, up to date, clothes, shoes, bags, and makeup? I’ve seen many closets packed with clothes. Some have never been worn, and likely never will be by their current owners. But they just had to have it.
Is this an issue for you?
Are you now as an adult over-compensating from lack or social anxiety stemming from your teenage years?
Fear and Emotional Clutter
The emotion of Fear is at the root of clutter
There are so many types of fear, especially relating to the things we own. Let’s face it, wars have been fought -and continue today- over land, housing, and possessions. Let’s do a quick overview of the types of fear with regard to possessions.
One of the main fears is letting go. For instance, we think, “If I let this go, I might not be able to afford a new one later.” This also ties in with money and lack. One way to look at this is to figure out how often you use the item. What’s the replacement cost? How hard would it be to replace it? You can also ask yourself if you would purchase the item today. Consider the cost to replace it. If it’s not being used, and just takes up space you could just wave “bye bye” and bless someone else with it.
It’s also possible that you fear success. Consequently, surrounding yourself with clutter bogs you down and steals your energy. This keeps you from succeeding as you need to spend the mental time dealing with the clutter. That clutter can be mental clutter, paper clutter, or physical things.
Could it be fear of failure? Here’s an example: you’re working so hard and don’t have time to stop and clear the clutter because you might fail at what you’re doing?
Fear, Regret & that Jacket You Never Wore
We all worry about this one. Then there’s the fear of feeling foolish. That inner voice whispers, “Buying that jacket on sale was a mistake.” It doesn’t look nice and it cost too much money. Or it’s the craft project where you picked up the little dresser. You have the paint, decals and ideas to create something new and unique. But then you ran out of time and interest. Now it just sits there, taking space.
Or perhaps for you it’s the one all of us have – that magic kitchen appliance. The one that bakes bread, makes coffee, and tells us how wonderful we are. Yes, that one that’s now tucked away in the back of a cupboard, collecting dust. (We all have one of these!)
Guilt, Sentimentality, and Emotional Clutter
Guilt is one of the major reasons why people find it so hard to part with things. “My dead aunt Matilda left it to me”, “My darling daughter gave it to me for Mother’s Day 38 years ago”. It’s easy to be objective and just advise to take a photo and let it go. Besides, your daughter is rolling her eyes as she reads this saying, “Throw it away already Mom!”
Even the kindest gift can create a dilemma for the receiver. As a result, a simple kind thought can lead to years of emotional clutter and guilt.
Identity, Paper and Emotional Clutter
Paper Clutter and how it affects everything you do
Do you keep items (paper!) as a way of validating a past career? This is such a loaded question. Your company may have down-sized or right-sized you, or pushed you into early retirement. These files can represent your life’s work.
Being down-sized, right-sized, or let go is traumatizing. For some people it’s retirement. Many people hang on to the identity of their job’s role. “I am a….”
It’s hard to return to the essence of you – not the role, but the unique person beneath it. Your thoughts, dreams, desires separate from the job or your last employer.
Why do you save paper?
Are the files and paperwork useful information you can pass on to someone else?
Are you keeping them because they remind you of a past career or a time when your contribution was recognized in a business setting?
Does that stack of paper still serve and define you? If not – can you re-frame its use in your mind and let it go?
I have to say that I find de-cluttering paper is the hardest thing to do for me.
These days yes, everything is available online. However, your notes sometimes hold more value than a google search. Do you keep them? Transcribe them? Hold on to them for 10 years, never look at them again, and then throw them out? It depends on the content.
Are you holding onto paper because you feel that your identity is reflected in the pages? Is it sentimentality (love letters or pen pal letters or birthday cards from a grandparent who is no longer with us)? Are you secretly hoping the next generation will be interested?
I must say that I am trying to use less paper. I save invoices electronically, scan and discard paper receipts. I do try to keep paper clutter down, but it’s hard. Much of my business requires me to print things out to give to clients. I like to have vital information on a topic at hand. I’m getting better now leaving brochures and catalogues at trade shows. After all, most of the information is easier to find online.
I cover organizing paper and paper clutter in another post.
Events that Trigger Emotional Clutter
Experts say clutter can be triggered by a single dramatic event. That shock often disrupts normal, organized patterns.
I know that for me that the multiple moves and an evacuation ensured that I set up households on multiple occasions. This meant that I found myself the proud owner of about 10-12 pairs of scissors (!) and multiple soup ladles. Did I mention the enormous amount of excess office stationery?
Digital Emotional Clutter
About that same time my computer stopped working. I starting working with different versions of the same file. I saved them on different USBs. Years later I’m digging my way out of duplicate files. Sometimes clutter shows up in digital files. And yes, emotions are tied to that too. Think scarcity: “I spent so much time on that file. If I lose it, I’ll have to re-do it, and I may not remember everything.” That’s scarcity and lack showing up!
Was there a moment in your life that disrupted your carefully planned system? Or did too much happen at once, leaving you feeling out of control?
It happens. It happens to all of us.
I’m now sorting through the multiples and making my family, friends, and charity shops very happy.
I’ve nearly dug myself out from the clutter and man, it’s been a process.
When the Emotional Clutter Isn’t Yours
Have you been left someone else’s clutter? It’s tough to dig yourself out of that. Many people worry about leaving things for their children to sort through. Instead, create a plan for what needs to be taken care of. That way, if the unexpected (or expected) occurs you’ll avoid leaving a mess. Create this plan at any time. I’ve written a post about that here. Because of this, examining my reasons for purchasing my “legacy of stuff” has helped me understand my emotional clutter. This thinking has shown me how various emotions guided my purchases and the possessions I keep. It’s been a useful tool for de-cluttering.
Another useful post is to read the book review on Swedish Death Cleaning. The book made me laugh and cry. The author is so thoughtful in how she approaches her things and her desire not to leave a mess for her children. You can read the review here.
Hoarding
Growing up I had a neighbour, a very old man, who went out scrounging late at night. He collected anything and everything. As a result, when the house was put up for sale, the cleanup required mountains of recycling – 8 foot stacks! He had a room of filled with boxes of empty milk containers. There was another room (a full bedroom here, folks) of sorted and bundled newspapers stacked floor to ceiling. Insurance professionals, I hear you shuddering. Ditto for fire professionals!
The back yard (it was not a garden anymore) was stacked with old building materials. There were even boxes of unused cheques a local bank had thrown out a number of years before. Why would he do this? Apart from driving the neighbours crazy with his ever increasing piles in the back garden?
He grew up in the depression and was consumed by lack. As a result he hoarded – and he hoarded anything and everything. It got completely out of hand.
Is that a life? I don’t think so. It certainly wasn’t for his poor wife who never once disclosed what went on inside her home.
Get help for hoarders – this is a job for professionals
What your clutter is costing you
Clutter carries hidden- and not-so-hidden-consequences. In severe cases, it can even stop you from having people over. You retreat into your cluttered home. You feel embarrassed, worried others others will judge you. In the end, you are the one who suffers most. You lose self-respect. As a result, clutter clouds judgement, stifles creativity, and makes you doubt your ability to decide well. This all leads to low self-esteem.
Are you having trouble with this? Please seek help if you are stuck with de-cluttering. There are excellent companies all over the country with professional organizers. They will guide you through the process. You can find more information HERE and for Canada you can find information HERE.
Things to think about – are these triggers for your emotional clutter?
- Overly sentimental.
- Have to have it.
- Shopaholic – if extreme this is an addiction you may need professional help.
- Paper – I have to read it first, I might need that valuable information.
- The “it’s perfectly good” can’t throw it out.
- I feel obligated to display gift/item that someone gave me.
Dig deep to uncover which emotion is the reason you save things
The Emotional Benefits of De-cluttering?
It will make your space feel bigger! Yes – your bedroom, office, living room really is big enough!
You’ll be able to see what you do have, and what you need. For example, you’ll find your needs change once you’ve embarked on de-cluttering. The de-cluttering process stops the “I want that” Gremlins and helps you be satisfied with what you already have.
Why You'll Love De-Cluttering
-
You’ll feel better about yourself and about your home and the possessions that you are keeping.
-
You can invite people over!
-
Get your Home Back – You will feel like you’ve moved into a new home.
-
Easy to maintain – You’ll find that you enjoy living in a new and ordered place where you can find things quickly and easily.
If you missed the first article on digging deep to figure out what your life goals are so that you can create your perfect life you can read it here.
Want to read more about Lifestyle and Organization?
