How to leave your loved ones with memories, not work.
Hint: It’s a plan.
Have you thought about creating a plan for what to do if you die? It’s sad, it’s true. We all die. But what about those you are leaving behind. Are you leaving them with a mess that is nearly impossible to sort out, especially when they are grieving, or are you leaving them with a plan. A plan that encompasses all your wishes. Makes it easy for them to navigate the road ahead without you.
A dear friend of mine died recently.
It was sudden and unexpected.
I’ve known him since we were young teenagers. We’ve been friends on and off throughout the years (mostly due to different life paths and my long distance moves). We’d connected again this past summer after Covid and had some wonderful evenings chatting. We’d planned to continue doing that.
Then he died. Suddenly. Without warning.
Even thought it’s been a few months I’m still processing that. Part of me thinks of the similarities we share. And the amount of things his family has to deal with. There’s a home and vehicle, finances to sort out, people to take care of. Household goods to disperse.
I know my friend had a plan for most of that as he had children he loved very much.
But he’s left behind a whole house, financial records, stuff that needs to be sorted. He was young and didn’t expect to die suddenly.
Do I have a final plan?
It’s got me thinking – do I have a plan in place to ease the burden on my family members if something were to happen to me?
Not to be gruesome but have you thought about how to help your loved ones in the event of your death? It’s not the greatest topic to talk about at any time but I want to make sure that if I were to die that I wouldn’t leave a giant financial (and stuff) mess for others to clean up. I’m a planner so I have prepared a document that I update annually with all of my relevant data – insurance policies, banking details, etc.
Digital Clean up
You will want to leave a list of passwords for the various sites you visit or have a presence on (LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, etc) so that your executor or family member can either update and manage the site or close it when you pass away. I’ve unfortunately found out through LinkedIn when colleagues have unexpectedly passed away.
What about all the Legal Documents?
If you are a planner like me you’ll want to ensure you have a filing system that is easy for your loved ones to find that includes the 30 Documents You Need to Have Before You Die. You can find a copy of that below.
What about the stuff?
I highly recommend reading about Swedish Death Cleaning. You can read my review of the book here.
Your passing may be years off but if there is a special item you want someone to have (and you don’t want it included in the will) then earmarking it (on a document or a tag on the item) is a great way to ensure that the right person gets it. If you have family heirlooms and want to ensure that the story behind them is recorded then add the information into a journal so that it won’t be forgotten.
How do you want to be remembered? It’s all about the details
These days we are all so busy curating the moments and experiences of our lives with our own personal soundtrack, our personal and public images. In that final celebration – and I do like to think of it as that – how do you want to be remembered? Do you want photos of your achievements, celebrations, experiences, and relationships to be viewed? What music do you want to be played? Somber or celebratory?
I have a list of the music I’d like played. It will be fun! Upbeat. Inspirational – the soundtrack to my life. At a few funerals I’ve been to over the years I’ve seen the photo compilations and I might start pulling photos for that as I’m the one in the family with all the negatives and digital images.
A friend of my mother was a gardener and she passed away in the Spring. Her family took the time to grieve and work in her garden throughout the summer. In the late summer they were ready, both emotionally and spiritually to celebrate her life. The garden looked amazing. We were welcomed for afternoon champagne and strawberries. How did she want to be remembered? With love, appreciation, and joy, not sadness. It was a fun afternoon!
Is thinking about this morbid?
Not really. I don’t want my passing to be an enormous burden for others.
Will it be? Most likely. Rolling up any one person’s life is filled with paperwork these days. Asking someone to be your executor or executrix is asking a lot of them so think hard about the burden and responsibility you are asking someone else to shoulder. If possible have a number of different people to help out with different things and as I’ve discussed above, create a plan so it’s as easy as possible for others.
Don’t have anyone you want to ask to do this for you? Well, fortunately there are people who can help with this.
If you live in Oakville or Mississauga you can give me a call and I can put you in touch with companies who provide Executor Services.
